today I got my scissors stolen ...

almost all of them

IT HAS actually been a good week....

better than many.

I actually liked marching in DC....

Even found myself sec and guessing my decision to depart after May.

Cannot permit myself to do that.Staying at CLMS would not be good for me either professionally or healthfully. I have never seen a place so mismanaged  and overcome with utter chaos. Not once in a third of a century.

It pains me to say it.

It needs better leadership.  Not a personal thing. Just the gruesome truth.

I discovefed, this afternoon, while driving home, that I have finally hit my stride here. that is, I have figured how to deal with the clientele here. April begins in a few days and I have, at long last, sorted things out. Grades seem to be leveling out. I have fewer big problems in the classroom.  I have started to do more hands on science in ALL my classes.

It all came as a jolt to me.

Truly.

Tomorrow will tell a tale. Tomorrow I plan to do "The puffy headed bird legs syndrome" activity, where students determine how much their legs swell when they are subjected to microgravity.

Fact is, I am "dancing with the devil" in trying to do this, but I owe it to the good students and to m myself to try this.

I had another informal observation today, again in my worst class. It matters not.  I'm outa here. My eval matters not, but still, as I believe I said, I don't want to go out on a sour note.  That has happened too many times in my life, in some of the school systems I worked with, and in my military career. In that one, I got non-selected for retention. Funny though..later I was awarded a meritorious service medal.

Don't want to go down swinging this time.

I believe the reason things are finally coming together (in spite of this being the most difficult time of year) is that, at least for now, the constant changes and fluctuations in classes has ceased. It is my firm  belief that all the change and the chaos kept me from establishing any consistent kind of classroom culture. I could not establish a consistent routine or set of expectations when my classroom door was like a revolving door. Kids going in and out, constant confusion, frequent interruptions, recurring doubt about where I was and what I was doing.

Admin at CLMS has no concept of what a middle school should be and how it should operate. None.

Back in Clermont again....

First day back was not so bad but around here, who knows what the morrow brings?  Going to CLMS can be somewhat scary.  The potential for some very bad things exists more there than in any other place I have been and I don't much like that.

Just visited RCMS...

...made me "homesick."

Told everyone I saw to be grateful for where they are.  All schools have issues.  Some are manageable.  Some are less so.

The 6th graders did not know me.  Only subbed there once, last November.  More 7th graders did. Didn't see much of the 8th grade.

They all want to know if I will be "back" next year.  As I said to them, I am not sure of what I will do next week, never mind next year.

been home for 4 and a half days....

don't want to go back. But I will.

There are some in this country who will NEVER understand that. Never seen so much  complete stupid as I do today.

My vacation has been so so....

I needed to get out of Lake County, out of Florida....and I did.

My time here has been productive.  Got my taxes done.  Things turned out much better than I thought they would.  I owe the feds $600, much better than the last two years.  The tax preparer wants me to think it's due to the new tax law.  I remain convinced things are not so simple as all that.

I guess Trump could come out in favor of chocolate chip ice cream and I would refuse to eat it anymore.  Things have gone that far.

Finally paid the property taxes on the house too: $805.  I was only three months late.

And that is about how I feel. Too many "corporate" democrats out there trying to portray themselves as for the people.  A lot of us working class folks won't buy that anymore.  It's why Clinton lost. I know that now..  The Democratic Party hasn't yet come to that realization. They need to.

I hope it doesn't come down to a civil war, like it did in 2016.  The election was rigged. I know that too. So did a lot of progressive voters and independents, like myself.  I finally voted for HRC, but it nearly made me physically sick to do that. But watching what's happening now does make me ill....and afraid, very afraid.

Too many similarities between the Trump crowd and the Nazis of 1930s Germany.

Like I said, the amount of stupid loose in this country stagers.  I guess it has always been here....

Part of me wants to give it another go in teaching science, in another school, of course.  I hit 70 in December.  I doubt anyone would have anything to do with me, but I've been surprised before. Question remains: do I REALLY WANT OR NEED THAT?

I am thinking the problem is not CLMS, but lake county. We planned a march in support of the kids at Marjory Stoneman Douglas and the local community proclaimed that it was all a "leftist" plot; we had another shooting threat and the event had to be postponed. They claim it will be rescheduled, but I will be amazed if it actually is.  Administration at the school is completely inept. As we used to say in the military, they could not find their ass with both hands, a map and a flashlight. It wasn't this bad even at SPX with Sister Natalie and that is saying something. Chaos, absolute chaos. I would not send a student there.

I've made my intentions quite obvious, turning in my intent for with "no" on it and nothing after that. When we had union elections, I wrote, on the ballot "abstain. I'm outa here!" There can be little doubt.

No one has said anything to me.  Perhaps they understand.  If they don't, then I fear they are delusional. Why would I want to spend another year in a place where I was slandered, my reputation slimed, my cell phone stolen, where I've had to endure insults and threats from students who were protected by a 504 plan? Who in their right mind would endure that again if they didn't have to?

I made $81,000 this year. It's been nice not having to worry about finances and being able to fix things (like my Miata) when it was needed.

The house is in ruins.  Electricity is broke, I now water flow problems (new thing), two floors need replacing and so does my roof and back porch.  As I have said repeatedly, the kindest thing would be to burn the place down, but I won't do that. Arson is NOT my thing. Maybe a tornado will do the job this spring when me and the birds are in Florida.  I would be ecstatic.

Another year in the classroom might allow me to fix the house.  It might also kill me. Literally. My weight is back, ALL of it. So is my hypertension.  They've upped my meds and might have to again.

Things do not look good.  I head back south day after tomorrow.

Walterboro, South Carolina

stayed here before....Rodeway Inn....not particularly good internet service, but cheap enough.

made it to spring break

whew!!!!

Headed home tomorrow morning, very early.

The word is out, pretty well.   They saw me wheeling out most of my personal items in a shopping cart.  We had union elections.  I abstained and said :"I'm outa here!"

Already feeling some regret but I cannot allow that to affect me.

two more school days

and then I get a break.  Much needed. Much needed.

Anoth4r Sunday..

with a Monday to follow, shortly.

I am being observed this week, my "formal" observation. The week before spring break.... Sadly typical. I have worked in some tough places, rendered some daunting challenges, but have never seen the level of disorganization and utter chaos I have at CLMS. I have enough organizational challenges of my own without heaping all else atop that.

The observations is a moot.  My decision to depart for home is made and nothing will change that. I just don't want to end on a sour note.  Call it pride if you like.

Chose not to go anywhere near "Pig on the Pond."  The students see enough of me during the week; they don't need to see me on the weekends.  In some cases, I don't really need to see them. My ties with this community will be severed, permanently, in a matter of weeks, regardless.

Florida has actually done some gun control revision, but still has not banned assault rifles. And they have chosen to arm some staff in schools. When SWAT enters a school during a shooting, how will they know the good guys from the bad ones?

Utter stupid.

Actually did some "writing" yesterday....actually, revision more than anything else.

Natasha is reading over my first seven chapters of And Reap the Whirlwind and claims she really likes it so far.  She isn't a very convincing liar so I tend to believe what she tells me. have known her for over 30 years. Her family too.  We lost her daddy a few months back. It's been hard on all of them.

Finally going to get the Miata back.  Over $600 in repairs.  Not surprised.  Feared it would be worse. Another sensor problem. I haven't made out too badly, actually.  Been driving a new car for two weeks at no expense to me. Renting a car like that would have to cost hundreds over two weeks.

It's getting so that ...

even weekends are no fun.  They are always followed by a Monday.

Pig on the Pond is happening in clermont, a street festival.  Not even sure I want to go see it. The less contract I have with this community the better, I fear.

Just waiting to go home.

Still, coming south was not all a bad thing.  As I told Sybil, it has helped me know who I am and where I belong. yes, I should already have known that, but I keep forgetting.

I regret that the reunion is postponed but in another sense, it is a relief.  Did not, do not, want any contact with the Griffins and if the reunion had gone forth, that would have been a choice I had to make.  They're now planning the reunion for next year, at Camp Wazikliah, in Maine, owned by some CCR alumni. I don't plan to attend. Wazi is too far away and, for me anyhow, the reunions were about both the people and the location.  True, the people are the most crucial, but it would not seem like a CCR reunion, to me, in Maine. And I have to wonder, to what degree, this is just a PR stunt for the Parkers, the owners of Wazi.  There now....I am growing cynical. Not good. Perhaps my outlook will change, but I somewhat doubt it.

And during the traditional Mike Griffin worship session, held at each reunion, he can slander me as he did BJ Rankin at the last one.  By then, maybe, I will have published Mid the Hills, and will have the last laugh.

Shouldn't look at things like that, but I do.

One more week and it's home to Carolina.

I told them today

Turned my form in for next year.

"NO!!!"

Told the assistant principal I was going home to Carolina.

She looked jolted.  Cannot understand why.

I make myself unhappy every day

and  wish I could stop.

The sixth graders here are easily the most needy, entitled, and whiny ones I have seen in a third of a century.  No exaggeration.  They've almost no sense of responsibility for anything.

The school itself, meantime, is a chaotic mess.  Never seen anything like this before.  Not ever .

Spring break cannot come soon enough. The issue I am dealing with right now is whether I really want to return here after spring break .

Things will only get worse.

Testing approaches.  We already had a session of that. This year I have to teach human development, something the PE and health people do everywhere else I have been.

This is madness.


My Miata is still in the shop.  The problem is electrical.  That is all they know.  Cannot find what it is yet.  Four days.

No word from RCC about summer Eaglemania.  I am just going to wait.  Last year they waited entirely too long and I suspect that is what they are doing this year too.

I don't plan to do vbs at st Paul this year.  I know I am personal non parishioner there among some. I would not feel comfortable. Sad. I have been doing it for decades.  /Some things change and not for the better .

Daytona Beach

just met with John and Natasha. Lunch at Panera here in Daytona; where else?

Natasha was a student of mine, eons ago...7th grade.  Her daddy died recently.  It's been tough on her. They'd attended a wedding in Vero Beach and I met them on their return trip home.

Talked with a woman whose son attends another middle school in lake County, one I had thought about moving to, if I could.  After talking to her...

Methinks the trouble is Lake County,  Florida and not just CLMS.

It was like the final piece of the puzzle falling into place.

I am headed home to North Carolina in May. It's where I belong.  If I return to Florida, it will be as a "snowbird" and for only a few months of the year.

My career in education ends in May.  It's just time...NO, it's past time.  I regret that, but things add up to that reality.

still no verdict

I'm in a loaner car, a big car, Feels weird to be up off the ground.  This fix is going to be expensive; that is for sure.

Headed over to the coast to meet friends tonight. Good. I need to be away from Lake County, if even for a matter of hours...

The Miata is causing me some grief....

problems with the electrical system and the dealership is still trying to figure out what it is.  This is gonna be expensive, very expensive.

The testing has begun.  Writing test for grade 8.  They test all three grade levels here, test ELA, math, civics and, of course, science.  Frying pan into fire once again, a common theme for me.

The CCR reunion is being postponed and relocated; not enough reaction to the coming reunion. Some of it is likely due to the flap between me and Mike.  He is hopeful that I will "befriend" him. Not happening. Not ever.

They want to have the reunion in 2020, in Waterford, Maine, at camp Waziliyah, a camp owned by two former CCR people.  I don't plan to go.  Too far.  Having a reunion anywhere but in Hickory Nut Gorge would not be a CCR reunion to me.

So that effectively solves the issue of the reunion.  Mike will, of course, tell lies and slander me at the next reunion, wherever it might occur.  A sociopath. No doubt in my mind. He disrespected the late owner and director at the last reunion, when they held the Mike G. worship session.  He will think nothing of doing it to me.

Ultimately, I will have the final word, the last laugh, as I will someday complete my memoir on CCR Mid the Hills and I don't plan to be gentle in my portrayal of certain things. Won't have to use falsehoods. Wouldn't even if I  could. I believe a lot of people are beginning to see Mike for who and what he really is. Sad. We were "friends" for decades. He would have us think it was all over the 2016 election.  It's not. It goes much much deeper.

Mike sees people and there world in general much differently than I do. He treats Deb poorly and I've come believe he has used and manipulated me and others to get the things he wants.

No more.