The week went quickly...

No issues.  No problems, other than my continuing tendency to let "imaginings" trouble me.

Yep.

About the only heartache I had all week is that Miss natalie, whom I have known since age 2, is now a teen and is acting like it...a bit standoffish.  Couldn't  be the father of a teen girl; I think I would suffer some kind of emotional breakdown.

That's her, on the far right.

Won't dwell on it. Why?  Life goes on. People grow up and change.  We all move on, like it or not.  That stance tells me how much I have "matured" since middle age.  When one of my favorites, and yes, it was usually a little girl (think whatever you like about that-I really no longer care) grew older and pulled away, it would often distress me, sometimes in a big way.

Not this time.

Unsure about where my spiritual journey goes from here.  Only saw Pope urban twice this week and I avoided him both times.  St. Paul the Apostle has changed, markedly.  I can see that.  There are "nlo trespassing"signs all over the grounds and the place is often locked up. I mentioned how cold the K of C Brothers were to me.  The one or two times I attended mass, there was but one guitarist in the choir and the music reminded me more of what I would hear at pre vatican 2 Our Lady of Grace Church across town.  I don't feel comfortable with any of that.

I recall how irreligious my mother became and I fear I am beginning to understand how that happened.  I find my stomach sours when religious matters come up and I dislike those who are overt with their "religion," particularly evangelicals.  Want to travel to Romania, next summer, to visit with Faith and her family, but I know how evangelical they are. As i have said to others, repeatedly, my troubles are not with Jesus, but with those who claim they are His followers, particularly evangelicals. Jesus was NEVER so harsh and judgmental as they.

The "Fourth" looms ahead. I am staying home. First time in years.

Day 2

cute little bugger!

 Eye troubles have been minimal the past few days.  More than happy to say that. Some redness and itching early this morning, but I muddled through.

Finally settled omniscience's July 13-15 for the CCR reunion.  Everyone seems happy, especially me, who did not want to play the role of villain.  Really half expected Mike to barge in and take over, seizing notoriety for himself. It was and is what he was always about. I know he saw the exchanges on the CCR chat site.  Relieved he didn't get involved.

I've another letter to the editor enroute, one that will likely be published by week's end, I was told. Quick action.  I only wrote it this afternoon.  No holds barred on this one.  I dislike what the republicans are doing and said it, strongly. The neocons who post on the site will absolutely lose their minds...

Let them.

Thus far so good...

The Desiderata cautions us about "imaginings."  I need to listen.

Went to VBS this morning, half expecting them to turn me away. Thought that maybe my certification via "Protecting God's children" had expired.  I haven't gotten an update about that in months, probably in retribution for my letter about the principal at OLG.

There I go, again...imagining.

Fell right back into the routine. Camera in tow, I took 70+ photos. Already printed out some and made a DVD for day one.

Turmoil over the plans I made for the 2018 reunion.  I wanted it top stretch over four days.  There is opposition to that.  Why didn't these people step forward to take the responsibility for the reunion? Easy to take affront at what I say.

Not going to overreact.  That was my first impulse, resign from the reunion and refuse to take part myself. Not going to do that.  Not sure just what I will do, but I won't go anything tonight. Going to wait.  I fully expect Mike to come riding in to the rescue any moment.

A month to go

I depart for Florida on July 24th.  That's the plan. With me, you never know!

No more word from Mike.  He was just trying to provoke me.  Didn't give him what he wanted. Don't ever intend to.  Have NO intention of ever talking to him again. Yes, that will be difficult next year, at the reunion, but I plan to give it my best.

Changed the dates for the reunion to mid July.

I'm determined to complete and publish Mid the Hills by the reunion.  My portrayal of Mike, aka "Captain America" won't be flattering, but it WILL be factual.  Every anecdote where he is mentioned will come from an actual event, one that can be corroborated by CCR alums.

Tomorrow might be difficult.  Not planning it that way, but I will be going into potentially hostile territory - St. Paul the Apostle Catholic Church.  I haven't attended mass there in a very long time and relations between myself and the Knights of Columbus are tense, to say the least.  I plan to focus on photographing the kids.  Nothing else matters. That will be my focus.

By their fruits you will know them.  Undeniable.  The status of Christopher Columbus has taken a beating in recent times, anyhow, and now that I have seen what many knights are like, I understand why their star has begun to set with many Catholics and their membership is on the wane.

The Knights live in the past.

The Church is changing or should be.  They seek to maintain status quo.  Too many Catholics and former Catholics (me) don't like it and want nothing to do with them.

i joined back in 1984.  Took me this long to see what they are actually about.








I need to remember the reason I am there, tomorrow.  I do NOT plan on starting anything or creating a disturbance and will actively seek to avoid anything like that, but I will NOT hold still for mistreatment.  The days of enduring things like that, for me are OVER, forever.

I am hoping that when I get to Clermont, my attitude changes, or, at least, softens where the Church is concerned.  Recall that I taught in a Catholic School for ten years (about 3 years too long) and for the longest time, my faith was at the center of everything.

Already looking to set things up with Uhaul for towing the Miata.  Looks like they have the equipment to do it.  Should be setting that up this coming week, as well as getting yet another copy of my social security card.  Misplaced the last one I had. Watch me find it after I get a new one.

This move is going to happen.  already detailed the reasons why.

Donald Trump and the republican party are set to destroy America or, least, our form of government and many of our traditions.  They aren't even trying to hide their intentions anymore.

I guess they figure they have things sown up, via gerrymandering and voter suppression, well enough that they are above accountability to the America people.  I am hoping they are wrong or things are going to get quite hellish for the republic in the coming years.

History shows what happens when people become destitute and discouraged, not to mention desperate.

More and more we become like the fictitious nation of Panem in the Hunger Games saga.  Yes, I have said that before and I am saying it again.

The rich get richer by the day and the rest of us....

Some laugh at what I say.

Mike and his delusional Marine son would.

Were this madness we are living with end tomorrow, it would take a very long time and a lot of effort to begin to repair the damage.

I don't speak merely of legislative issues, but people issues.  Like it or not (and I don't) we have changed as a nation and as a people.  Police have become excessive and abusive.  So have immigration officials. The haters are running about, virtually unchecked; the notion of Sybil getting herself a concealed carry license to protect herself from the lunatic fringe is chilling.  Yes, I've said it already but that is another truth that bares repeating.

There is more of a terrorist threat from right wing haters than from Muslims or anyone else. The threat is out there. It's real.  We haven't seen all of it, by any means, but we could.

The example of the mentally ill, unbalanced POTUS only encourages them.  And I still lose sleep at night knowing someone like that has the nuclear codes.  His cabinet and advisers chill the soul.

Our greatest hope lies in the 2018 midterm elections. I am not fond of the democrats, but they, in their worst moments, have never sunk to the low level of stewardship the republicans have.

I don't see a republican dominated congress impeaching a republican president, regardless of who he is.

Everything is on the line. We don't "ante up" and kick in, like we should and our 241 year experiment with republican government will be at an end.

Need to work on completion of And Reap the Whirlwind soon as I can now. It is my sole, serious attempt at fiction and talks about the current times and where we are headed as a nation.

Our efforts may already be too late.

Mike is back

He commented on a Facebook posting I made, one about an inappropriate remark made by John Wayne, years ago....something his preferring white supremacy and saying that we were right to take land from the native americans.  I found both remarks offensive and expressed disappointment. Mike said the entire interview, where the remarks were made, should be published.  I glanced at the full interview and still found offense with Wayne's comments.

I pondered deleting the comment and blocking Mike on FB, then did neither.  His comment was most likely made or irk me.  He enjoys doing that. Won't grant the satisfaction.

I fully understand how and why Trump was elected.  Took some time but now I do.  What scares me most is that he and the fools who stand with him are morphing the very character of America. That I do not understand.

I'm holding out...

The eyes are itchy and quite red, but I am holding out.  I've got things to do today and don't need to spend the day at home blindfolded and wandering in my front yard to keep from going nuts.

a photo from a long time ago science center summer program. Took
then around the center for about an hour and had them experience the
world without their eye sight.  I'm a little skittish about doing
that anymore.

I find myself thinking ahead to my time at Clermont Middle.

Never believed I would ever go there.

Now I am.  Yes, I'm a bit dubious about it.  Change is like that for me, as 

I believe said only yesterday.  I want this one to work and must be careful 

about assuming things.  That tendency to overreact to things....I have to

steer clear of that.

There will be challenges.  New State, new school, whole new situation. 

I've been away from the classroom, full time, for four years.  Sure, I've

keep my hand in, sort of, but subbing isn't the same as having your own

classroom.  Neither is doing a summer program for little girls, although

that one is close.  Do I still have the skills?  The coping skills?

When I visited the Thompsons last week, Julie reaffirmed that she feels

I am "dumb" for going back to the classroom but Jim told me I should

go back because, in his words, I am "good at it" and changed his daughter's

life.  Hyperbole, I am sure, but I appreciate the affirmation. 

There are bound to be some Kristen's and joy's to complicate life. Every 

school has them.  But this time I shall not bow down to them or tolerate

their horse dung.  I don't plan to be ugly, either, unless the antagonists

insist on it.  I am hoping they don't. Again, I have to guard against

overreacting.  It would be easy to do. I have plenty of experience.

One the Assistants principals is a published author and has said he will

try and hook me up with the right people. That would be a blessing.

Currently watching Letters to God from Netflix.  Thought I had seen it but

now suspect I have not.  It's about a young boy who is stricken with 

cancer.  I've a feeling he won't survive.  It reminds me of Val.

Yeah, it also reminds me of my own mortality.  Not that it scares me.  It actually doesn't. Some 

might find that odd and maybe it is.  My most profound fear?  That I won't accomplish what I am supposed to, won't use the "gifts" I have to the degree I should.

The parable of the talents.

Funny how much bible a fallen away catholic remembers. 

Blessed  Sacrament Church.  It's a Catholic church in Clermont.  Might try to recycle my faith there.  There is more than one priest there. Perhaps I will find one who isn't a reactionary.

This upcoming opportunity (and that is what it is) is rife with possibilities. I want to take advantage.

Republicans are evil.

Seldom do I make such absolute statements, but watching them in action leaves me little choice.

Democracy has become an endangered species....

Not much to today

Spent much of the morning with my eyes bandaged; part of the afternoon too.

This one can smile about her situation. She seemed to enjoy the blindfold.
Kids are different. They like simple things. Sweet kid.

Have this awful feeling I will have trouble again in the morning.  Starting to really suspect it's something in this house that is causing the trouble. The eye infections never happen anywhere else. Didn't have an issue even once while living in the mountains. I'm thinking this house needs bulldozing or maybe an errant tornado.

LOL!  What a thing to wish on a place where I have lived for 25 years.

Sometimes it seems surreal, thinking about that.  So much has happened out here in Monroe Township.  I walked around the block a few times this week. So many memories...

Lived over on bluefield road for about 5 years.  The house is still there.  Kind of surprises me. It was falling down around me when I lived there over 25 years ago. Mike (Mary's brother) tried to get me to buy the place. I knew better.  The house was never put together right.

I rode through Hurriacne Hugo in that house.  That's where I met Faith and Beth and their family. Same with Bobby, Darlene and Gina.  I still remember the 4th of July night they fired a sky rock over the top of the house and it burst right overhead. Scared the hell out of me. But it waS FUNNY. I have to admit that.  Darlene and Bobby don't have much to do with me anymore. They're Facebook friends and they likely see my anti-trump posts and them being the delusional ones they are....well, it's sad.

Speaking of sad, I've felt that way more than I should lately.  Better go back on the prozac. Likely shouldn't have taken myself off of it. I'm no MD.

Found myself dwelling on how things are and not all of them good.  Nostalgia.  Yeah, I need to go back on the prozac.

Change isn't easy for me.  Not anymore.

I'm gonna miss the people at RCMS. Been with them for so long.

I remain determined to make a go of it in Florida.
Have begun to wonder just why they recruited me so hard.  Is there something I don't know about?  Don't want to overthink things, but I've never had anyone offer me a job at the end of an interview. Only time. We had some serious disagreements last year. Never figured I would hear from them again.  Went to the job fair and the principal was waiting on me; didn't even give me a chance to go to the other interview that was scheduled.  Then after I was interviewed by his AP, the same thing happened again - I was offered a job on the spot.

Strange.  Very strange.  Gotta wonder what is up.  There was a hint.  The principal mentioned that I would be the only male faculty member.  Not sure what to think about that.

68.

Hard for me to believe. But here I am.

Val's passing has jarred a lot of us, myself included.

Those of us who have not pondered our mortality likely have now.

Still not certain if or how I will handle the 2018 CCR reunion.  I have the haunting notion that it might be the last one for some. It's a possibility.

oh yuck!!!

The CCR gym - legend!

Woke up with  big eye problems yesterday morning.  No warning.  No nothing.

Tried to just stick it out.  That's may newest technique.  It's not doing well.

Let's just say...

it wasn't a lot of fun...

It never is....

And I made the blunder of applying too much medication to both eyes...

I really ought to know better by this time. It appears I don't.

What the heck????

I had my eyes bandaged for most of the day.  Stayed inside almost the whole time, but did venture out a few times, once groping my way out to the road.  Just wanted to be outside for a bit and get some "air."  Wound up standing on what felt like the hardtop. Took a few steps, thought of taking a blindfolded tour of the neighborhood but knew I didn't dare peel off the bandages or the black cloth I had bound over the eyes to block out the light in order to find my way back to the house and was more than dubious about my chances of having someone guide me back. I also didn't know if the redneck skanks were home.  Add to that, drivers sometimes speed down my street like it were the 24 hours of Le Mans. Didn't want to chance becoming "road kill." The few times I have encountered traffic on the road, while I was walking blindfolded, I just stepped aside to what I figured was the side of the road and the driver usually just edged by, slowly, most likely wondering WHAT the hell I was doing.

There are times I wonder the same thing.

  

These two appear to know more about what they are doing in this situation, than I would.

My problem solving techniques seem to be more of a calamity producing technique lately.

That seems to speak volumes all by itself.

Next week I am going to do the photo duties at VBS, at St. Paul the Apostle.  Yes, I am somewhat dubious about it, just as I was dubious about attending Val's funeral, but I don't believe that I will take the same action.

Does that mean I am far more intimidated by the presence of Mike the narcissist than I am by Pope Urban the last or the knights of columbus?  Not likely, believe it or no.  I dreaded an  encounter with the Griffins not so much due to fear, but due to a desire to spare everyone else, including myself, the spectacle of an ugly confrontation.  Mike would have made some comment about my weight or some remark about my jeep burning up, in his typical insensitive way and I would have invited him to take a lengthy walk on a short pier. That could have precipitated a serious encounter, possibly including Mike getting aggressive, even to the point of getting physical. Didn't want to experience that or subject others to such a thing.

The issue of the 2018 reunion remains.  Perhaps things will have mellowed by then. One can hope.

The eyes are beginning to itch once again and I've a fear problems are not far away. Going to the eye doctor does not seem to help. Maybe someone else in the sunshine state will have a solution or, at least, a better one than I am being offered here in North Carolina.

 I am usually not so absolute in my opinions, but the meme to the left of this is very accurate.

I can no longer deny that.

What used to be the land of the free and home of the brave has become the realm of the scammer and the cheat and the predator with no moral compass.

Judgmental? Perhaps, but what else am I to think when the alleged 

"leader" of the country providers the dilatory example he does and where every phone call and email I get has the potential of speaking to someone who is looking to trick me or steal something?  That is reality.  That is how things are now.

Republicans are thugs and liars.  Being absolute again but most of the ones I've experienced or encountered, are exactly that. They have little concern or knowledge (or both) of what harms the direction they are pushing the country into will bring.  How a country like ours could place such people in positions of power galls the hell out of me.

Never have I witnessed nor endured the level of stupid or docility I have seen in the people of North Carolina. So many are simply willing to accept what they are told and choose not to check things out for themselves. What galls me even further is that so many of them are professing "christians."

Really???

Have they read anything in the 25th chapter of Matthew lately or ever?

#(Zech. 14:5); Matt. 16:27; Mark 8:38; Acts 1:11; (1 Thess. 4:16); 2 Thess. 1:7; (Jude 14); Rev. 1:7“When the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the holy angels with Him, then He will sit on the throne of His glory. 32#(Rom. 14:10; 2 Cor. 5:10; Rev. 20:12)All the nations will be gathered before Him, and #Ezek. 20:38He will separate them one from another, as a shepherd divides his sheep from the goats. 33And He will set the #Ps. 79:13; 100:3; (John 10:11, 27, 28)sheep on His right hand, but the goats on the left. 34Then the King will say to those on His right hand, ‘Come, you blessed of My Father, #(Rom. 8:17; 1 Pet. 1:4, 9; Rev. 21:7)inherit the kingdom #Matt. 20:23; Mark 10:40; 1 Cor. 2:9; Heb. 11:16prepared for you from the foundation of the world: 35#Is. 58:7; Ezek. 18:7, 16; (James 1:27; 2:15, 16)for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; #Job 31:32; (Heb. 13:2); 3 John 5I was a stranger and you took Me in; 36I was #Is. 58:7; Ezek. 18:7, 16; (James 2:15, 16)naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; #2 Tim. 1:16I was in prison and you came to Me.’
37“Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? 38When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? 39Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 40And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, #Prov. 14:31; Matt. 10:42; Mark 9:41; Heb. 6:10inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’
41“Then He will also say to those on the left hand, #Ps. 6:8; Matt. 7:23; Luke 13:27‘Depart from Me, you cursed, #Matt. 13:40, 42into the everlasting fire prepared for #(2 Pet. 2:4); Jude 6the devil and his angels: 42for I was hungry and you gave Me no food; I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink; 43I was a stranger and you did not take Me in, naked and you did not clothe Me, sick and in prison and you did not visit Me.’
44“Then they also will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to You?’ 45Then He will answer them, saying, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, #Prov. 14:31; Zech. 2:8; Acts 9:5inasmuch as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ 46And #(Dan. 12:2; John 5:29; Acts 24:15; Rom. 2:7)these will go away into everlasting punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”

Makes it kind of plain, doesn't it?

THIS is what we're becoming.  We are following the false prophet into the depths of hell. God help us...

I really hate letting Mike control my life....

He still is.   Yesterday was an example.

I  was right, by the way.  Both he and Deb showed up. April V was the only other CCR alum to be there.  She just had  to post a photo of Mike and Deb with the caption "Guess who showed up..."

Just what Mike wanted, I am sure.  His legend goes on, bigger than ever, of course.  If they only knew some of the things I do...

This could complicate things in regards to the 2018 reunion.  Mike is certain to be there. I accepted responsibility for planning the reunion.  Methinks I blundered and am considering backing out. That act, alone, would make a loud statement.

Life is complicated.

I cannot agree with that more!

Val lived to the hilt.  She and I banged heads a few times because she was very opionated and free with her unsolicited advice.  But it wasn't a control or ego thing, as it is with Mike; Val was a people person and cared deeply about others.  Mike is interested in Mike. Quite different. Wish I could have seen her one more time, but she told us she preferred we wait until her funeral, as she wanted to spend what pleasant time she had remaining with her husband and her dogs.  Kind of reminds me of my mother...in a funny sort of way.  Not that many things my mother did were funny.

I shall make a point of visiting her grave, once I am certain Mike won't be around.

It's about a month until I make the move south.  That's gonna be quite an undertaking.  But in an odd sort of way, I am actually looking forward to move, to the experience.  I've already made it plain that if things do not turn out well, I will turn the RV north and head back to North Carolina.  Not going to hold still for abuse of any kind.

In my more pensive moments, I wonder exactly why the school wants me there so badly. Hardly anyone else will even consider me.  Age, most likely.

Slo I guess I'm a coward

Opted out of Val's funeral.  The  very good chance of an encounter with the Griffins and the possibility of it being a very unpleasant one was the deciding factor. No denying it. The funeral will be strain enough on the CCR community. A blow up with Mike is not something that will make things any easier.

GELS 2017 is history.

Things actually went pretty well.  Not only do they want me to do it again, next summer, but it turns out that enough kids signed up for one of the originally scheduled science programs "science adventures" that they want me to do that one the third week of July, right before I drive off to Florida.

Unsure about next summer, but agreed to the session this July.

Well, the last posting was not entirely accurate

Yesterday, I got us totally lost on the 'RCC nature trail. Kept parents waiting for 15 minutes at the end of the day. Dumb. Dumb on my part.  Parents took it well, or seemingly so.  I might not have. Some others I have dealt with in previous times, would NOT have... the Pius parents, many who frequented the greensboro science center....the crazy parents in '=Gibsonville.

We all have our difficulties.  Those of us who work with children and parents most likely have more than most.

Then today, we couldn't use the hose to seine for minerals.  The coordinator for the program somehow got the idea we did not need a hose; she has been a piece of work.  Just gotta say it. So today she finally brought us one. Then the key for the spikete broke - wouldn't turn so I tried to "turn it" with a hammer.

Not at all sure I will do GELS again, at least, not at RCC.

I sure would

There's been a shooting at a baseball practice in 

DC. The GOP Majority "whip" has been critically injured and might not survive.

It seems that a disgruntled (and apparently disturbed) citizen, upon hearing that the practice was for the GOP baseball team, decided to shoot several people.

Don't think he liked nor appreciated republicans and their recent policies.  Neither do I but I am not going to go shooting them because of it.

The man was a "Sandernista," like myself.  Bernie has disavowed the man and the action, as would I.  Count on the GOP to make an issue of this.  They are so dumb and delusional.

I do NOT approve of what the man did, but understand how it happened.

A lot of ordinary Americans are upset at the GOP right now.  I can only hope their feelings will translate into action at the next election and NOT into more random acts of violence like this. Sadly, actions like this are a result when people feel lost or utterly frustrated; we, in special ops, are familiar with a term called "destabilization," where the government and social fabric of a country comes apart.  This act is a symptom of that.  Some are hoping this will generate some kind of change in our guns laws.  If tragedies like Sandy Hook, where scores of young children are massacred do not affect change, something like this won't.  

There's another furor going on about confederate symbols and the causes for the civil war. Some southern cities have begun to remove statues and monuments to the war.  That has enraged certain segments.

Indeed, why must we continue to seek out things that divide us? There are enough of them already.

Beginning to have doubts about attending Val's funeral.  Mike won't miss an opportunity like this to promote himself. I know he will be there.  It would be my bad luck that his younger son will be too and I certainly don't want to encounter him.

I keep mulling over in my mind how I will manage such an encounter.  I could just refuse to talk to them. That would appear rude, particularly to other CCR people who still think Mike is god.  I could just be polite and go with the flow, but knowing Mike as I do, that won't work.  He will make some comment about my weight or about Trump.  That would, of course, give me justification for refusing to continue any conversation, but I am just not eager to endure that.

Am I becoming a wimp?  Perhaps.

Moving day is a bit more than a month away and I have barely prepped for it.  Need to get moving on that.  The whole things seems surreal, still...relocating to Florida.  Towing the Miata is my greatest fear.  Only way to deal with that is to confront that fear and do it.  Still smarting over the loss of the jeep.  Mike will most likely make some comment about that too.

GELS going well thus far

cute little stinkbug

She was frightened at being blind at first.  We got her over it....well, mostly her partner got her 

over it.  The child is only 7, a bit too young for GELS, but we made an exception.  Not sorry we did. 

It's been good to teach science again.  Subbing does not really allow me to do that.  It's someone else's classroom  and plans. Not the same.  Not a complaint, just a fact.

Will it be the same at Clermont Middle?

Every situation is different. But if I didn't attempt this, I would never know.  And that is more than I want to allow.

Some have told me they think I am going crazy, returning to the classroom.  I could never make them understand.  I don't need to. Simply put, I don't need anyone's approval anymore or their permission to do what I feel i must.

Going to Val's funeral. Four hour drive.  Not a far distance for me, lately. 

This might be crazy too, as I chance an encounter with the Griffins.  Not exactly sure how I will handle that.  One of the first things Mike is likely to remark about is my weight regain. No one else I know has, but Mike is an ass, an arrogant ass. Only hope he doesn't try and assume center stage and perform, as he usually does in  social gatherings.  I plan to walk out if he does. Not gonna tolerate it. 

Val is gone

She passed yesterday, sometime.  An act of mercy to be sure.  I understand she was really suffering at the end.

The CCR minions are reacting, of course.  Action on the CCR chatline is humming.  We all did "taps" last night, at ten, in her honor.  Mike, of course, is trying to take the lead and make all this all about him, as per usual.  He managed to officially announce Val's passing on the chatline, making him the alpha male once again. What pains me most is that so many are drawn in by his act.  He's said, more than once, on the chatline and on Facebook, that he was "praying" for Val.  Mike Griffin, ":praying" for somebody.  What a concept. Typical.

I'VE got to guard against overreacting to all this.  IT'S A danger with me when I have come to realize how I was mistreated, after a long while.

Weeks ago, when Kinsey, a long time ago student at St. Pius X, contacted me on Facebook. I replied with a photo that said something about being manipulated.

I was. I know that.  But as she pointed out, in her reply, people change, "evolve" over time.  They do. She could be a totally different person than the spoiled, overindulged, teen brat I remember.

Anger can make us stupid.  It did in that case. I've got to be sure it doesn't in this one.

Perhaps it's the realization that I was played for so long and I was too dumb to know it that makes me so angry.  It could also be that it has happened to me too often over my lifetime. Regardless, I need to control the situation and not allow it to control me.


Beginning day #2 of GELS this morning.  Yesterday was messy. Slime.  That is always messy.

GELs went well...

or, at least, I believe it did.  The old teacher instincts kicked back in as though I had never ceased.
Things look good. Hope they stay that way.

An interesting experience

at least, this time, I got to talk to some people besides Lilac and her parents.  The teens at the last gathering were a little less than friendly. Some of them actually spoke to me this time, as did some of Lilac's kin.

People from Michigan are a little different.  Not a condemnation, just a statement.  Lilac's maternal grandparents proved to be interesting.  The grandmother felt a need to get me married off at the first opportunity while the grandfather seemed a confirmed Trumpist, one who felt that President Obama was a socialist.  Felt like I was being interrogated during much of the encounter.  Nothing particularly evil, but mildly vexing all the same.  I will get over it.  Besides, I am thinking I am entirely too sensitive anymore.

Val is dying.  She is a CCR friend from way back.  I remember her as an assertive 11 year old, one I was fond of all the same. She felt the same way about me.  I've witnessed her death process via facebook.  The experience has been sometimes excruciating.  Felt driven to unfollow her, which would mean I would no longer see her posts, but did not.  Seemed disrespectful. Her husband, Steve, does not think she will last the week. I have pledged to attend her funeral, which has been planned out and paid for, in advance, partly by a "go find me" page.  If I attend, and I won't be able to if it occurs this week, then it will likely mean an encounter with the Griffins, something I would rather avoid. Mike will insist on it. That's how he is.

Let's not borrow trouble. I am so bad at doing that.

not sure exactly WHAt THIS IS....

Val's passing will remind us all, once again, of our own mortality. The next CCR reunion, set for next year, is subject to be the final one for some of us.

Odd, but that isn't a particularly frightening thing to me.  Death is no stranger to me.  Been there and done that back in 1999 with my heart attack.  Went into full arrest and had to be shocked back to life. Nearly drown at age 8 when some playful boys pushed me into the deep end of a summer camp pool when I could not yet swim.  Then, of course, stared old man death in the face with every parachute jump (almost 50) in my military days and, during my cold war service, lived with the chance that I and thousands of others might perish in a conflict with the Soviets or Iraqis during Desert Storm.  So death is no stranger to me.

I've semi officially accepted responsibility for helping plan the reunion.  That, too, will surely bring me into contact with the Griffins, again.  Mike is sure to try and make the reunion all about himself, as he did during the last one. I am determined that he will not succeed. 

Something I really want to accomplish before the reunion is the writing of Mid the Hills, the saga of my years at Camp Chimney Rock. My portrayal of Mike in that story is morphing and I need to be careful not to morph it into unreality, particularly where Mike is concerned. His character is close to abnormal already, almost surreal in some ways. Don't want to give him what he seeks and that is to make the story of CCR to be all about him too.

Got to wonder how many other CCR alum, besides me, see Mike for who and what he REALLY is and was.  A few made comments to me, at the last two reunions, that lead me to think they do.

For some time now, I felt compelled to break away from my relationship with the Griffins and now that I have, I feel somewhat relieved yet there is this lingering sense of loss I cannot shake. I knew them for decades. It became clear to me, only fairly recently, that they were not good for me, nor I for them. Kind of like what happened between me and Mary.

Toxic relationships have happened with me throughout my life.

Birds of a feather?  Lord, I hope NOT. 

Ma Barker appears to have left the scene of the crime.  Haven't seen her in weeks and weeks and a few weeks ago, there were heaps of things loaded into these big bags and sitting on the front lawn. Those items are gone now and I cannot recall the last time I saw her car.  If she is indeed departed, then that would be a blessing for me. Perhaps by next summer, the skanks across the street will be gone as well.  One can always hope.  I am.

Eaglemania will happen after all...

Although it will only be one class,  the GELS (girls experiencing and learning science) with but 5 participants.

I chose to do this particular thing with some trepidation.  Last time I attempted it, at the Greensboro Science Center, I got ambushed by a whiny grandmother and her two overindulged grandchildren. They said I "scared" them.  Odd, I had done GELS for years at the science center and in three different schools and had never heard that from anyone.  The science center is no longer a museum or learning center, it is a corporation with corporate attitudes and leadership .  They chose to toss me under the bus and cave to this grandmother, whom they said they had known for years.  They knew me for years too and had never, to my knowledge, ever gotten a complaint or a concern about me. Not once.  But I do digress....

I am leary about doing GELS again, but am going to give it a go.  I can already tell this eagle mania program is a train wreck, with the person in charge of it, the train  conductor.  Had to scramble to put things together at the last instant.  It won't be the caliber of a program that I've had in the past. RCC didn't even check my references, to my knowledge.

Gotta just try and make the best of it....

I am so very weary of stupid..

Donald Trump is a danger to the future of the United States of America.  So are some of his minions.  Stupid and intolerant are loose in the land and, if left unchecked, will destroy us and our democratic traditions. I've long since accepted the reasons for the "election" of 45 to the oval office, but cannot get over the stupid beings who caused it.  Even now, with all the havoc 45 has created, so many are unrepentant and insist they would vote for him again.

They're now working on doing away with Dodd-Frank, the remaining protections we have against the bankers.  With its repeal, another 2008 vintage meltdown is inevitable. And who will suffer from it?  A rhetorical question for sure.

Lilac Rain Thompson, one of my former 6th graders, graduated from high school last night.  I am headed to a celebration at the Thompson house, in a few hours.  Lilac rated as one of my favorites.  How swiftly the years pass...

Decided to attend VBS at St. Paul. Some trepidation here too.  The last time I attended mass there, it was not a pleasant experience. hope this visit will be different.

Back at home....

A whirlwind trip, for sure.  Left NC on Sunday, stayed in Florida for Monday and then headed back on Tuesday.

Things are still in the works.  My drug test and fingerprinting are in process.  I need to get another copy of my social security card and make application for a teaching license to Florida. This train could still be derailed even though it isn't too likely.

Speaking of derailed, Eaglemania did not pan out.  No surprise.  They are trying to salvage one session but I am not optimistic.  This whole affair was mismanaged from the start.

My trash can was not spilled.  No damage was done to either the house or to the RV. Perhaps the skanks have decided to just leave me alone.  Ma Barker is nowhere to be seen and I really suspect that, for whatever the reason, she is gone.  Perhaps her misdeeds at last caught up to her. Who knows? Who cares?

Despite all, I remain convinced that my relocation is the best route, at least for now.  This neighborhood is no longer user friendly for me and so far as Greensboro and Guilford County go, there are a myriad of bad memories here for me.  Getting away, even if it is just a temporary move, is better for now.

The weight is back

Something else that is better for me is my termination of the relationship with the
Griffins.

Little doubt that Mike would have made some disparaging remark about my jeep burning up and would, doubtless, comment on my weigh return. To him, you see, that is humor.

Twisted. Sick.  He is both.

Just like with Mary, it took me so long to see that.

Life was never fair with Mary, but it's not often fair with many of us. I had a disaster for a mother; my step father was not much better.

But we've got to play the hand we're given. What choice do we have?

Too often, Mary chose the path of helplessness. A lot of people noticed. Sharon sure did, but I found her quip upon hearing that Mary had passed to be a bit callous. Not sure I will have anything more to do with Sharon.  She is clearly not the angel of light she portrays herself to be.
Neither am I.

I am hoping the move to Florida will be somewhat of a new start for me. Just exactly what that means, I am not sure.  New circumstances, new people, new opportunities.  Got to make the best of them if I am to have any benefit.  That part is up to me.

A frantic 24 hours two be sure...

I am sitting here in the Motel Six in Lake City, Florida, listening to the rain.  I guess there won't be any cruising with the top down today.

Drug testing done, fingerprinted, paperwork completed or nearly completed.  Went by the school and saw the classroom I will have.  It has a chalkboard, no science tables and somewhat stark. The principal has mentioned uttering some white board over the chalkboard.  Might be inclined to put my 36 inch television into the classroom and using apple TV.

I won't have any gifted students.  They are all placed together.  Not surprised.

Checked with Bees RV.  My background check came back "beautiful" (their words); I had a look around.  Hard to determine the character of the place but it seems better than Torchlite, the other place I checked out.  The only downside is that Bees is located on highway 27, a fairly busy thoroughfare.

No place place is perfect.  I need to shed myself of that expectation.

Trump is making fools of us all.  He first embarrassed us on his first overseas trip.  Now he is firing off tweets, showing the world that he and his deplorables have no clue about anything.

Madness. Utter madness.

The only blessing to our current situation is that the country is seeing exactly who and what the republicans are about.  Some of Trumps people will never come around. They are dangerously delusional and there is no cure for them.

Meantime, the rest of us need to continue to resist and be prepare to rebuild the republic when their ilk is finally deposed.


It appears that "Eaglemania" will not occur.  I am expecting an email, any time now, announcing that enrollment in that summer program did not pan out. The person in charge simply muffed it. The  program wasn't even advertised in the Rockingham County Schools until Mid May.

Getting ready for my move south will take time and much effort. Relocation will actually be a relief, even though someone my age does not handle change well.  But change is something I need right now.

Last week was excruciating. Some who haven't lived my life cannot understand.  I don't expect anyone to.

I am thinking Ma Barker has moved.  I have not seen her in weeks.  Neither have I seen her car.  A larger amount of things were moved from the house and I see new people there.  Is one of my nightmares ended?

The skank brigade is still present.  Before I left, I placed my trash bin out for the trash people. Hope the enemy does not dump it all over my lawn.  They haven't done anything that bold yet, but it would be a brilliant move on their part.

A tough one

Couldn't stick around and bid farewell to many at the end of the day.  Felt too much pressure behind the eyeballs.  This was worse than the first time I left RCMS back in 2013, when I went into retirement...

Saying "good bye" has often been difficult for me, which is odd, because I did it so often growing up.  Never stayed in one neighborhood or in the same house more than about a year from birth through high school.

Two gifts a family can give a child: roots and wings.

I never had either.

Being affiliated with any community for 9 years is a definite record for me and driving away from RCMS about an hour ago was very hard.

Who can be sure what the morrow will bring?  Might be I will never enter RCMS again nor see any of its people again except on Facebook. In many ways, they've been like the family I never had. Sure we have our differences and our disagreements, but who doesn't? Wouldn't be human otherwise.

Tomorrow or, at latest, Sunday, I depart for Florida to set things up for next school year.  Who can honestly know what lies ahead for me?  Sybil tells me she respects my courage in making such a change. I guess it does take a certain amount of that.

There comes a time and occasionally, situations, that require changes. I remain convinced this is one of them. My gut is telling me this is right.  Hope my gut is right.

Tomorrow is the day

Still not certain how I will deal with it, but deal with it I MUST. Brace for impact?

Today, Donald Trump withdrew us from the Paris Climate accords.  Utter madness.